I am famous for running from my problems. If there is confrontation, I straight up ignore the situation. For some reason I feel like if I ignore whatever is going on, it will eventually go away. Not the case at all!

I believe it was my junior year of high school when I started smoking marijuana. It wasn’t a peer pressure thing. I had been at plenty of parties where it was offered and always declined. But this one night was just different. The people I were with said I wouldn’t get high since it was my first time-they lied! They shot-gunned me like five or six times. I was as high as a kite. We were in an apartment complex on like the second or third floor. When I went to go leave, the stairs were moving I was so high. The girl I was with, once we got down to the car, started freaking out and making a bunch of weird noises because she was paranoid about the creepy van parked next to me. There was a bike marathon going on and I tried to drive but it felt like it took me ages to drive just around the block. There were copes EVERYWHERE! I eventually talked the girl I was with into letting me call my mom.

Mom was cool. She was disappointed I did it I reckon, but she was glad I called her for a ride. She took us through McDonald’s then home. I was so afraid my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I definitely didn’t like it my first time. You would’ve thought I wouldn’t do it again, but….I did.

It became a necessity for me. I felt like I had to have it in order to be happy. I never went to school high, surprisingly, but my grades started slipping. It was the only time I ever felt like I was feeling something. But, in reality it was only numbing everything. So maybe it was the relief of not feeling all of the pain. For a while this was my escape.
Dear Lord, help me to remain in you. Help me to remember that You are my refuge, my rock, my comforter, my everything. I want to seek you out before anything and everything else. I want You to be the first thing I turn to. In Your name I pray, Amen! 


1 Comment

  1. Steph, you have grown so much in character & spirit. I am so proud of the mature adult young mother you have become. But you will always be that beautiful babygirl in my heart that I love.

    Liked by 1 person

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