Foreign Territory

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As soon as I started dating that girl I mentioned in Her, mom and I constantly butted heads. We went through vicious cycles of her taking my phone, my car, putting me on restriction. Whatever she could to try and get me away from this toxic person in my life. I was so sick of constantly having my stuff taken (even thought it was my fault) that I threatened to go live my dad.

She called me on my bluff and I went a packing.

She called my dad to tell him that I wanted to come live with him and he said he needed to check with his girlfriend. Mom said, “well tell her because we’re on the way.” I know it killed mom when I pulled that stunt but sometimes in order to mend broken pieces you need to step back, give some space and look at the bigger picture. I’m not saying that when I eventually moved back home that everything was peachy-it was far from that. But in the long run, it did make our relationship stronger. We needed that more than we realized at the time.

Living with dad was like being a foreigner in a different country. It was beyond awkward and I definitely didn’t fit into their already made home. His girlfriend had two kids, but thankfully only one lived there. I took the daughters old room and her son was in the room next to me. At first I thought it was going to be cool. I had always wanted more siblings. But, the boy and I didn’t have the same rules.

Since dad was a cop, he was recording my calls. I was using the house phone so it was his phone, but still. He heard the way the girl talked to me but not once tried to boost my confidence or tell me I deserved better. I barely got a “you shouldn’t let her treat you like that.”

Even though mom had taken my car, dad didn’t want to have to deal with taking me to school everyday so he let me drive his suburban to and from school. The same suburban that had the blue lights and the PA system. Needless to say, my friends and I had a blast in the school parking lot!! The rule was I could only drive to and from school. But one day, I took it upon myself to tell a lie to my dad. Cant even remember what the lie was, but it didn’t work. He allowed me to believe it had, but he followed me to her house. That was a scene. But it was what it was.

Even though I was around dad a lot more living there, it didn’t really feel like it because I didn’t belong. I missed mom a lot more than I thought I would, but because she was proving a point I couldn’t just move back home that quickly. I didn’t stay there too terribly long, but long enough.

I think the worst part was seeing my dad be the father/husband in that already made home that he couldn’t or wouldn’t be in my home. He chose to leave the family he already had to go play house with somebody else. I felt like he traded in Jamie and me for his girlfriend’s two kids and traded in mom for his girlfriend.

 

Dear Lord, oh what an unnecessary heartbreak comparison is. Help me to remember Your truths when the enemy starts filling my head with them. There is no one like me, Lord, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. You knit me in my mothers womb and You set me a part way before the beginning of time. You can count every hair on my head. Who is like You, Lord? Help me find peace and comfort in Your truths. Help me to believe that I am worthy and enough. For my worth can only be found in You. In Your name I pray, Amen! 

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1 Comment

  1. I don’t know where I was when you & your Mom were having such difficulty, but I surely never realized how hard it was for you & probably for Jamie, too. My heart hurts for all that you went through at such a vulnerable age.

    Like

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