I wish I could say that I was overjoyed to find out that I was pregnant but the truth was I was overwhelmed. The walls were closing in around me and I felt like I was drowning. I felt trapped. Stuck with no way out.
The countdown was useless. Regardless of the fact he was indeed leaving, I still had to deal with him the rest of my life because I was pregnant with his child. I felt like nobody understood me or the things that were going on. People wanted us to get married just because we were having a kid. I didn’t want that and I was feeling pressured on all sides.
I threatened an abortion.
I don’t think that I could have ever gone through with it. And I know that if I had, I would regret it for the rest of my life. I always knew I wanted to be a mother. But at the time, I felt like it was my only way out. It was my cry for help.
I knew that I wanted him to be a part of our child’s life because of the fact that my dad was never around but I didn’t want to get involved with something for the wrong reasons just because everyone else thought it was the right thing to do.
Thank God I didn’t go through with that threat. I needed up having a beautiful baby girl and I honestly believe she (Mia) was the avenue that brought me to Salvation.
Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I built my life
-J. K. Rowling
If and when you stumble upon this, please know that I love you with every fiber of my being and I could absolutely NOT imagine life without you. You, baby~girl, saved me from my self and the destructive path I was heading down. God sent me you because He knew it was exactly what I needed at that exact time. You have been an absolute blessing. Please know that I am far from perfect and I make mistakes. I was completely self-absorbed and extremely selfish back then when I threatened that abortion. I hope you learn from my mistakes and never have to go through anything like that. I love you, baby~girl, more than life itself-more than you will ever know!
Love you always, xoxo, Mom
Dear Lord, Thank you so much for giving me a beautiful, healthy baby girl! You know what is best for me and Your plans are always immeasurably more than anything I could ever imagine! Thank You for being such a loving and forgiving God! It’s such a gift to see you take what I thought was the end of my life and turn it into the beginning. In Your name I pray, Amen!