Seeking Him

I had grown up going to church but, when I “came out” and started telling people I was gay, I quit going. I was so afraid I was going to be used as an example in Sunday school. I knew about God but I didn’t really know Him on a personal level. I spent most of my teenage years justifying my actions because I knew He was a forgiving God but I never repented of my sin. I was so angry at God for answering my prayers about my parents divorcing.

Once I had Mia, I finally understood, at some level, God’s love. I knew there was nothing Mia could do that would make me not love her anymore. For once, I truly believed there was nothing that I could do to make God not love me anymore. The feeling was overwhelming.

I accepted Christ completely into my heart and in my life November 12, 2014 and on November 30, 2014 I got baptized.

The significance about that date is that’s the day my dad killed himself (November 30th) and for so long I held on to the regret, the unforgiveness, and the bitterness that came from that. It was controlling my life.

But once I accepted Christ, things started lifting off of me. My burdens were no longer as heavy because I had surrendered them over to Christ. So, on November 30th when I was lowered into that water, I shed my old self-all the guild, all the shame, all the bitterness. When I was brought back up, I was given a new self, a new person, a new life in God.

I’m far from where I want to be or need to be and there are still things I need to surrender over to God but, I finally know Him personally. We have to best relationship that we’ve ever had. I still fall short everyday but I’m for once, actually seeking Him whole heartily.


Dear Lord, Thank You so much for always accepting me as I am no matter how many times or how badly I fall short. You never change. You never stop wanting me. You never stop loving me. Help me to seek You every day. Help me to put You first and to find my rest in You. Help me to come to You with my problems. Help me also to come to You with my praise! In Your name I pray, Amen!


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